I want a Ph.D. I want to be called “Doctor.” I want the deep thinking, the rigor, the research, the challenge. I want what the Ph.D. represents: intellectual excellence, creative depth, and the ability to claim a seat at the table. But here’s the thing—I should not have to endure violence to achieve excellence.

And yet, for Black women, that’s exactly what the pursuit of a Ph.D. so often demands.

We enter these institutions, many of which were never designed for us, only to find ourselves fighting for air. Fighting to be seen, to be heard, to be respected. Fighting against systems that demand we assimilate, shrink, and suppress ourselves just to stay in the room.

Too many Black women barely survive their Ph.D. experiences—some don’t make it through at all. And even for those who do, the scars remain. Academia was not built for us to thrive. It was built to exclude us, to erase us, to ensure that any success we achieve comes at a cost so high it’s hard to celebrate when we finally cross the finish line.

And I’m over it.

The System Is the Problem

The problem isn’t that Black women lack the ability to succeed in these programs. The problem is the system itself:

• Gatekeeping: Before we even step foot into a Ph.D. program, we’re forced to navigate hurdles designed to test our worthiness—tests created by white men, judged by white men, for the approval of white men.
• Trauma: Once we’re “in,” the trauma begins. From microaggressions to blatant racism, from being overworked to being under-supported, the experience chips away at our confidence and our sense of belonging.
• Dehumanization: Academia demands that we set aside our lived experiences, our cultural perspectives, our selves in order to conform to its rigid standards. We’re told to write, think, and exist in ways that make white scholars comfortable.

This system wasn’t designed to nurture Black women. It was designed to break us. And it does—over and over again.

So I’m asking the question: why must Black women endure violence to achieve excellence?

I Want the Tools, Not the Permission

Here’s the thing: I’m not rejecting rigor. I’m not rejecting research. I’m not rejecting the depth of thinking that a Ph.D. represents. I want all of that. I deserve all of that.

• What I’m rejecting is the permission this system demands.
• What I’m rejecting is the violence it requires.
• What I’m rejecting is the idea that the only path to intellectual excellence is through their gates.

I don’t need their validation, but I do deserve the tools. And I want to create spaces where Black women can be thinkers, creators, and scholars without suffering for it. I want to build systems where Black thought doesn’t just survive but thrives—where we innovate and evolve in ways that are rigorous, meaningful, and entirely our own.

Reclaiming Rigor on Our Own Terms

Black people have always been creators of knowledge. We’ve always been thinkers, philosophers, and innovators, long before the ivory tower ever existed. So why are we still begging for a seat at their table? Why aren’t we building tables of our own?

• What if we imagined something different?
• What if we created learning environments that centered Black women’s voices and experiences from the start?
• What if we valued lived experiences and oral histories just as much as published research?
• What if we developed a system where Black women could pursue intellectual excellence without asking for permission and without enduring harm?

This isn’t about rejecting rigor; it’s about reclaiming it. It’s about creating spaces that are just as challenging and intellectually stimulating as a Ph.D. program, but that nurture us instead of breaking us.

What an Alternative Could Look Like

• Community-Based Learning Hubs: Spaces where Black women can come together to study, research, and create—free from the oppressive dynamics of traditional academia.
• New Validation Systems: Alternative credentials or portfolios that document intellectual rigor and creativity, judged by our peers and communities rather than traditional gatekeepers.
• Radical Pedagogy: Approaches to learning that center joy, healing, and collaboration alongside rigor. Instead of suppressing culture, we amplify it—bringing art, spirituality, and storytelling into the heart of intellectual work.
• Mentorship Outside ‘Academia’: Partnerships with independent scholars, elders, and creatives who guide and challenge us without the trauma of institutional racism.

We Already Have Everything We Need

This isn’t about abandoning excellence. It’s about redefining it. Black women have always been thinkers, creators, and visionaries—we don’t need their validation to prove it. The system demands that we endure violence for excellence, but I reject that demand.

I’m claiming the intellectual and creative depth that academia promises but on my own terms.

And I’m calling for a world where Black women don’t have to choose between being scholars and being whole.

We already have everything we need to build that world.

Let’s get started.